i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
