My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
