I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
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last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
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you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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