I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i now understand why vodka
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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