Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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