My underwear smells like fireworks.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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