i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
