a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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