She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
