you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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