I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
