haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im six kinds of drunk right now
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
