It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
