Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
