I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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