Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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