Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
