the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
