Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
