I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i came on her dog
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
