babies were throwing up all over the place
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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