I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just gift wrapped bread.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize