Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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