dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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