i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
