Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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