Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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