She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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