I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
