if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
