C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
then he tried to convert me to islam
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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