I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
