it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
