I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
