Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
