we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
