if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
