Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
