God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
