let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
