once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
