we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
