my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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