he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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