I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
