She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
