I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
