We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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