Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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