Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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