I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
