Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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