He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's blow job season.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
