oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
