if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
