I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
