Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
