the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
