my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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