you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
