Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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