my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just cropdusted the office
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
