I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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