He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
