The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
