Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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