dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
