I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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