I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
