If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
