i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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