let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
