dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
