Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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