Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
