Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
