dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
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Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
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My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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