Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize