was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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