she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
