I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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